


black magic.

by yae



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, F/M, Forbidden Love, Spoilers, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-31 18:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20119447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yae/pseuds/yae
Summary: there was so much i wanted to tell you. yet when i finally saw your face, i couldnt remember any of it.—————the crystal exarch struggles with his feelings regarding the warrior of darkness





	1. prologue.

Every book. Every line. Every word. Every _letter._

Not a single one could replace the image of her. How she smiled and bid him farewell, her eyes betraying the pain she felt. This was for the best, they both knew.

He could read every book in the tower— in the world —and the sadness in his chest would not be quelled. To be the cause of her own sadness... It hurt him just as much. For that reason, he needed to go through with his plan. To lie in wait, sleeping, dreaming. Dreaming of a day the doors open once again and he can see her, welcoming him back into the waking world. It would be then that he would share everything he knew. All the knowledge he had gained that the both of them had once craved. He would enlighten her to it all.

For she was his inspiration,

_his hero._


	2. story.

How young and foolish he was when he made that promise. He knew now that it was one he couldn’t keep.

<<“I see... Then G’raha is...?”>>

_I stand before you!_

“I am sorry, of whom do you speak...?”

_I am alive and well._

“...An intriguing story,”

_I wish to tell you so much..._

“but I am afraid I have found no such man within the tower.”

_Please..._

“My apologies.”

—

She was beautiful. A funny thing to say, as she hid her face from those around her. Not unlike himself...

But he remembered the pink and blue eyes beneath the mask. How they shone with a hunger for knowledge. Of course, that was only how he _remembered_ her. It wasn’t her. She wasn’t the same. Her mask was a painful reminder.

As much as he had grown and changed, so had she. Hardened to the world, more quiet and intelligent. Not just that, but much more powerful in her magicks now. It hurt to think how they saw each other in almost the same way.

She remembered G’raha Tia.

He remembered her before he locked himself away.

It was difficult to watch her traverse the First, going wherever his missions and goals sent her. As she always did. He couldn’t help but place a hand over his chest and pray for her. Pray for everything. Her safety, her strength, her happiness. Her happiness... That most especially. For her happiness was something he could not contribute to. Not with what he had done, what he was doing. Not with what he was _going_ to do.

Even now, she inspired him. Fearlessly braving every enemy and sin eater, he could only grow more in awe than when he was a young man. She was a favorite of the public then, yes, but...  
Now, she was a hero. A legend. She had saved her star and now she would save his. Their goal was noble and yet he could not bring himself to tell her who he was. Did he fear emotions getting in her way? Blinding her from her duty?

...No. The answer was simple and a single conclusion he always came to. She wasn’t the same person as the one in his memories. He had no right to love her when the “her” he loved was gone. No right to cherish her when all he saw her as was his memories. He didn’t know who she was now; how could he possibly be in love with her? A mightier question than that... how could she possibly love him? He was not who he once was, too, yet he still clung to his feelings. There was no possible way she had held onto hers. After all, he made it clear the doors of the Tower would not be opening again for a very, very long time.

The Crystal Exarch brought his hand up to his face. He covered his eyes, gritting his teeth and fighting the sob in his throat. He wanted to tell her. Everything, anything. But he just _couldn’t._ That was only another reason as to why he couldn’t— shouldn’t —love her. He was a coward. Afraid!

...No matter what happened... He would cherish his time with her now. To see his inspiration again, hale and whole. Stronger and better. He was happy just like this. He wanted more... but he couldn’t be greedy. The Exarch would bury his feelings and hold onto his plan. When the time comes, he would remain silent. Relieve her of the burden of light before locking himself away once again. His feelings would stay inside him until he perished. But he would be happy even in that moment, for he could save her and perhaps, even if just a little... make himself worthy of her love.

In his heart, he held such a hope.


	3. epilogue.

Once Crow made sure the door was sealed shut, she grinned and looked around the Ocular.

“G’raha! I’ve come to visit!”

Her ears perked at the sound of footsteps and the light tapping of a staff against the ground. She smiled sweetly at the visage of the Miqo’te male appearing before her. A light blush dusted his cheeks.

“Calling me such a name... You know how I feel about it.”

“Of course, but that won’t stop me from calling you by your name. You _are_ still G’raha. G’raha the Crystal Exarch!” She chuckled.

The Exarch raised his hand up to cover his blushing face, momentarily forgetting he was holding a book. He quickly turned the cover away when he realized. Despite his attempt to hide, he had gotten Crow’s attention.

“Oh?” Her tail swished behind her. “Nose in a book, like always... You really are still G’raha, no matter what you say. Either way... what is it? Share your bounty of knowledge!”

“‘Tis only a book on black magic... Everything you already know, I’m afraid.” He shook his head.

“Certainly not!” Crow stepped closer, curiously looking. “All the books I saw in your room... I’m sure I don’t know all I can about thaumaturgy! Just a peek, G’raha?”

He stepped back when she stepped closer. “N-No... I really must insist. This book is uninteresting... It would bore you to read everything you already know!”

The woman narrowed her eyes. He was obviously hiding something, she could read him like he was a book now that everything was all over. Yet there was a sincerity to his words. He was lying but... _not_ lying.

“I know you are curious...” The Exarch murmured, a hint of sadness in his voice. “Trust me, please. It is not something you should read. If you are so curious, then perhaps you can read it one day... Just not now.”

Crow furrowed her brows in concern but nodded her head. “I won’t push it, however... you are okay, yes?”

“M-Me? Oh... Yes, I am perfectly fine. Reminiscent, if anything... about a time that we cannot return to. Full glad am I that we cannot, though...” He smiled at her before waving his staff. “Never you mind, Crow. What did you wish to see me about...?”

—

The Crystal Exarch sighed once Crow left. Appearances aside, he was an old man... yet his inner workings fluttered with glee when she called his name and so kindly, lovingly spent time with him like they used to. He couldn’t help but smile and laugh softly at the thought of her. Her heart once weighed heavily and he was glad to see her better, never mind if he was upset. Which... he wasn’t. He was indeed okay. It was merely...

He ghosted his fingers across the book, feeling the carvings and expert craftsmanship. The familiar symbol for thaumaturgy branding the cover. This... was one of his favorite books. He opened the book to the page he had left off on.

_Shatotto’s teachings are not something we need to fear. We should embrace the idea of the extra, the powerful. That is what thaumaturgy is about. Shatotto’s spells were forbidden. Destructive. This is true, yet if we can train to better harness the power... then we can better ourselves as black mages. Our fear of the unknown rules us. For this reason, we must overcome our fears, lest we merely hide in the shadows that we claim to control. We can do so much more if we follow Shatotto, bring her theories and ideas to a better light. Experiment._

_Many of the wisened among us promote that light cannot exist without darkness. For this reason, we cannot continue to snuff thaumaturgy out. Truly, we must embrace, embrace the darkness yet never give in to it!_

_What we do as black mages is an art. We _need_ black magic. It needs us just as badly._

The Crystal Exarch smiled and closed the book again, turning it over to look at the back. Again, he ran his hands across its face, feeling the engraving of the author’s name.

_Laviere, Q._

She never revealed her true name, even when she published the book she had dreamed of. Only shrouding herself in mystery, just like the magic she used. His smile soon disappeared. Despite his love for the book... it’s knowledge brought pain. It would only be a short amount of time after its publishing that the Calamity happen. The book marked Crow’s end. This he knew, having seen it all. Though such a future would never happen now... the visions still haunted him and it did not help to have reminders such as the book. Even still...

He held the book tightly to his chest. Even still, he treasured what was a peak in Crow’s life. Her pride and joy, the book she put so much time and effort into. The Exarch sighed softly, pulling away and setting the book down on his desk. Though she had unknowingly destroyed the achievement of her life’s dream due to saving the source... The Exarch, with pride, hoped she would be fortunate enough to publish it again within this timeline.

Then, even if it was the same book, word for word... he would happily read it again.


End file.
